Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a never ending loop of continuing to choose the same patterns over and over again? You find yourself repeatedly making the same choices and not getting the result you want? This feeling of being stuck can wear you out and take over your life. You feel like you are getting nowhere and not moving forward at all. So what can someone choose to do differently? 

Choosing to do even the smallest thing differently at times will take so much more work than just continuing in the same pattern you already do. The question is, do you choose to stay where you are or work towards changing the pattern? 

1. Awareness. 

You must first be aware of the pattern before you can break it. For some, this awareness will be clear–you will almost feel like you are living that scene from the movie “Groundhog Day,” where the main character wakes up every day and starts the same day over and over again, until he chooses a different pattern and it sticks. If you feel that way, you are now aware that you are stuck in a pattern and you must become aware of what that pattern is. 

Do you keep waking up unhappy? Do you continue to choose relationships where someone treats you badly? 

Do you keep taking jobs where you are underappreciated? These are all patterns, and awareness is the first step to breaking them. 

2. Desire. 

If you have the desire to change the pattern, then you have the ability to do it. But you must first have that desire, which will point you in the right direction to change the pattern and break you from the chains of being stuck. Desire can, at times, be a feeling of fear of change, or even just a passing thought that you have, that tells you enough is enough. The desire does not have to be great, it can start with just a small desire and grow as you get closer to breaking the pattern. 

3. A Plan. 

Once you are aware and have a desire to change your pattern, you must have a plan to introduce change into your life, into the situation, into what you are trying to break. If you are trying to break a pattern of choosing the wrong types of relationships, you must have a plan for the type of relationship you deserve. If you are trying to change the pattern of working at jobs where you are underappreciated, then have a plan to find a job where you will be appreciated. What does that relationship look like to you? What does that job look like to you? You must be as clear and as detailed as possible in this plan. Do not expect this pattern to be broken overnight. It will take time, but making a plan will be a start to breaking the pattern in your life and making a change. 

4. Repetition. 

When I was little and I told my mother I wanted to be the best dancer I coule possibly be, she told me that I must practice. I asked how much must I practice and my mother said, “Every single day.” This is the same method you use with breaking a pattern. It doesn’t matter if this pattern has been in place for one year of your life or 30 years. You must practice your new pattern and work your plan every single day. Yes, life gets in the way and sometimes time does not permit. So, some days it will be five minutes, others it will be an hour or a half a day, but you have to work on your plan. If you are trying to break the pattern of never saying no, then you must practice every single day to say no. If you continue to choose a pattern of bad relationships, you must say no to those relationships every day. Now at times it may seem impossible and at times you will fail, but you need to realize this is part of the change. You may fail once one day and not at all the next day, so recognize that failure is part of the process, and focus on how far you have come and not how far you have to go. 

Changing a pattern is possible and thinking of it as forming a new habit will help you put in the work to accomplish this change. Also, if you get frustrated or discouraged from the process, concentrate on the end result you are trying to accomplish. Focus on the prize, which is your accomplishment of changing a pattern you no longer want to allow to be a part of your life. It is possible and you can do it.